The “Pro” List

In the spirit of fairness, we also did our best to make a “pro” list. If you missed the previous Con List, click here.

The Official Pro List of Procreating

  1. You get to play with/own all those awesome childhood toys, such as Lego, Etch-A-Sketch, and Mr. Potato Head.
  2. You have someone to take care of you (for free, or at their cost) when you’re old and decrepit (if society still does that kind of thing).
  3. You learn to eat healthier (read the hidden con: no cookies before dinner applies to everyone).
  4. Maternity leave = paid leave from work!
  5. From a parent: “You truly experience unconditional love”.
  6. “Expectant Mothers” parking.
  7. You get presents when they are born.
  8. If you feel it absolutely necessary to have them, you can pawn them off on the grandparents for a while when you’re sick of them. (*Disclaimer* When the “good” grandparents live 5,000kms away, pawning them off is not always an option.)
  9. Giant boobs, if you’re into that sort of thing
  10. A good scapegoat for bailing on events you have no interest in attending or want to leave early (“we have to relieve the babysitter…”).
  11. Getting knocked up is trendy these days.
  12. Valid excuse for packing on that extra 50 lbs.
  13. Babies look cute in baby clothes and holiday-themed costumes.
  14. You get to play on the playground equipment and go to fun kids events without triggering a call to the police.
  15. Cute foreign babies.
  16. Your mother/mother-in-law will finally stop nagging you about grandkids.
  17. Less hassle with airport security when pregnant or with small children (until someone straps a bomb to a small child).
  18. Tax breaks.
  19. You can teach your child to say “God bless us everyone” and put on an annual production of A Christmas Carol.
  20. Kids sometimes say hilarious things.
  21. Disguising child labour as “chores”; kids can eventually take over some of the housework.
  22. Holidays become full-blown holidays again: Easter egg hunts, Valentine’s Day cards, hand turkeys at Thanksgiving, etc.
  23. MILF status.
  24. You can literally eat whatever you want (as long as it’s not pregnancy-prohibited) whenever you want to for 9 months and no one can say crap about it.
  25. Making your kid learn a valuable skill (e.g., a second language, a musical instrument, a particular sport or activity) you never had the chance to, on the premise of enriching their lives and opening doors for them, while essentially re-living your youth vicariously through them.
  26. There will be no more talk of your “biological clock” and its ticking.
  27. Even if just for a short while, your kids will look up to you.
  28. You get to tell them outright lies and it’s socially acceptable (e.g., Santa Claus).
  29. People (might) give you their seat on the train.
  30. You could have the next Neil deGrasse Tyson, Margaret Atwood, or Elon Musk.
  31. Disney movies.
  32. From a parent: You get to embarrass them in front of their friends just like your parents used to do to you. = Hours of fun.
  33. Pregnant women can get away with a lot – sweat pants in public, rude comments, bailing on events last minute – simply because they’re pregnant.
  34. Children’s books.
  35. “Family vacations” / road trips
  36. You will fulfill the curiosity about how your offspring will turn out.
  37. You get to teach them stuff, share your knowledge, and witness several “light bulb moments” (from a parent).
  38. You can now legitimately criticise other parents and their unruly children.
  39. You might eventually become a grandparent.
  40. “Kids keep you young.”
  41. “Children cure boredom.”

Yes, this list is significantly shorter.  Feel free to comment with your own additions, or to tell me about how offended you are by this assessment of child-bearing and rearing.

About ThatJenK
Writing from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. 90% pictures of my dogs; 10% miscellaneous opinions nobody asked for.

3 Responses to The “Pro” List

  1. Pingback: If you knew before you had children… « Paper For Good

  2. Violet says:

    No, I’m not biased at all.. (now watch me pick apart the pro list! lol).

    Okay, for number 7, you don’t get presents, the kid gets presents. It’s not like you get new silverware you get like a onesie or something.

    Regarding 9, you get temporary big boobs but then you get saggy deflated boobs afterwards. So you’re definitely worse off. (prob should be added to the con list).

    Number 19 is awesome. A legitimate reason to procreate. lol.

    Sorry, number 24 is a lie, you can’t eat whatever you want! You’ll be questioned at every turn regarding how healthy it is, and if you’re taking your folic acid, eating lots of greens etc. and if you dare drink coffee, well you’re just going to hell now aren’t you?

    And number 33, I also see this as a con. I mean we can’t count completely “letting yourself go” as a plus can we???? YIKES.

  3. Pingback: The “Con” List | Back Alley Soapbox

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